Curtains
by Aeris-Eithne
Summary: One shot. Heero and Relena go shopping for curtains... no, that's not a euphemism! But she does use her womanly wiles to get her way...


**Curtains**

Heero Yuy took a break from fixing the pipes beneath the sink to wipe the sweat off his brow. He had been working steadily in the kitchen for the past few hours. The two-story house needed its share of remodeling, and Heero was doing all he could to ensure that everything would work properly. Why Relena had decided to buy a fixer-upper after she turned the Peacecraft castle into an orphanage, he didn't know; as the former Queen of the World Nation, he figured she could afford to buy any home she wanted.

_But I want _this_ house!_ He remembered her pouting in protest. It's not that Heero wanted to live in a palace; he just didn't see what was so special about this dilapidated domicile. _Sometimes,_ he thought to himself, _Relena takes her desire to be like "everyone else" a little too far…_ Lately, she'd grown fond of thrift stores and discount warehouses. Heero shook his head as he lowered himself back under the sink, once again tightening the rusty pipes with his wrench. It didn't matter how odd some of Relena's habits were… He had to admit that he was crazy about her.

"Heeeero!" The sound of her voice caught him by surprise, and he jumped up in alert, ready to protect her from any and all danger.

"Damn it!" His quick reflexes caused him to ram his head against the sink's bottom. Rubbing his head angrily, he raced out of the kitchen and up the old, creaky staircase to see what could possibly be troubling his love.

He found Relena struggling as she attempted to hang new curtains on rods that had seen better days. She teetered haphazardly on a stepping stool, struggling to get the lacy curtains to fit on the rods. Her face was flushed, and she was muttering to herself in frustration.

Heero raised a skeptical eyebrow. "This is your big emergency?"

Relena looked up from fiddling with the lace. "I didn't say I had an _emergency_." She blew out an exaggerated breath, puffing her bangs up. "Really, Heero, you're so dramatic sometimes." She rolled her eyes.

Heero frowned at her antics. "Then why did you scream for me like something was wrong?"

"Because I just love knowing that you'll answer my every beck and call," she replied with a saccharine smile. Now Heero was the one to roll his eyes. "Seriously," she went on, holding the mismatched curtains and rods out to Heero. "I can't get these to fit. And since you excel at everything you try your hand at, I figured I'd let you take over from here." She batted her eyelashes coquettishly, her arms outstretched.

"What makes you think I know anything about curtains?" Heero glowered. "I'm supposed to be doing all of the 'guy' jobs in the house… You're the one with the feminine touch here."

Relena pouted. "But I can't figure these out…" She demonstrated her frustration, attempting to fit the too small curtain openings on the rods.

Heero grabbed the curtains away from her. "They're too small, Relena; you either need to get new curtains or new rods. Or both."

"But these are antique curtains from my family's estate! They've been passed down from generation to generation. I simply couldn't bear to replace—"

_Rip._ Heero looked down sheepishly at the torn curtains in his hands. He hadn't meant to rip them, but he'd been trying to emphasize to Relena that they simply would not fit. He bristled under the look of rage he saw pass over her face. Just as quickly as it appeared, however, her anger vanished. Relena bit her lip to keep from saying anything she'd regret later, and concentrated on making her face look serene.

"Heero…"

His eyes were downcast. "Sorry…" He mumbled.

"It's okay." Relena exhaled slowly. "You're right about the size… they are too small. I don't really know what to do now…"

"Do you… want to go shopping for new ones?"

Relena brightened. "Did you say _shopping_?"

_Crap,_ Heero thought. _There goes the rest of the day…_ He squeezed his eyes shut, resigning himself to his fate. "Yeah, I guess," he muttered.

Relena beamed at him. "Well, if you insist… I would _love_ to buy new curtains!" She bounced out of the room, leaving the Peacecraft heirlooms on the floor, forgotten. Heero trudged after her, dreading the horrors that lay ahead.

After spending close to three hours in Curtain World, Heero rejoiced inwardly when Relena was finally ready to head back home. His arms were weighed down by the bagsful of curtains Relena had cheerfully purchased, and they still had a long walk to their car. Relena had promised the shopping was over for the day, but Heero saw her eyes gleam as she looked in various window displays.

"Ooh, Heero! Look at this!" She cried more than once.

"Yeah, hun, that's great. Whatever." Heero never bothered to actually look; he could barely see over the mound of bags he carried.

"You're not paying attention!" Relena finally noticed. "Don't you care when I'm talking to you, Heero? Doesn't anything I say matter?"

_It's times like these when I wish I still carried a gun,_ Heero lamented to himself.

"Heero!" Relena tugged on his arm for attention, and he had to shift his weight to keep the top bag from falling.

"I'm a little preoccupied here, Relena," he muttered.

"Oh, I see." She smiled sweetly. "Then how about you take a little break?"

"Really?" Heero felt relief wash over him.

"Uh-huh… You can sit there on that bench while I go into this thrift store!"

_Dear God. Not now._ "Relena…"

"Please, Heero? It will only take a minute..."

His eyes narrowed. "That's what you said three hours ago."

She leaned closer to him and pecked him on the cheek. "I love you…"

"I know," he growled. "That's beside the point."

"No, it's not." She traced a finger along his jaw line. "I'll make this up to you when we get home…" She gazed up at him, smiling seductively.

_Damn. Not her feminine wiles…_ "All right," Heero gave in.

Relena grinned. "Thank you, baby…"

Heero felt his face grow hot. She only called him that during their most intimate exchanges. Her words brought back memories of the little shower-for-two they had taken earlier that morning. Suddenly, he felt weak in the knees.

"I… I'm gonna sit down," he muttered.

_Mission accomplished,_ Relena thought satisfactorily. She was well aware of the paralyzing effect her words could have on him. She giggled. "Okay. I'll be back soon!" She practically skipped into the store as Heero sank down on the bench.

Ten minutes after "only a minute," Heero decided to infiltrate the thrift shop. He had no clue what the old store could possibly have that could entertain Relena for so long, but his patience had worn thin. He found her in the back of the store near the dressing rooms, browsing a rack that said, "Just In."

"Ohhh," she was muttering. "Why don't they have any size fours?"

"Relena," he mumbled from behind her. She nearly jumped.

"Oh, Heero! You surprised me." She flashed an innocent smile. "Is something wrong?"

"I'd say so. You've been in here long enough. We should get home and start hanging all these curtains. And then…" He inched closer to her. "It's payback time."

Relena's face turned scarlet. "Payback?"

"Uh-huh. You owe me for these torturous hours."

She fanned her long, black lashes. "But shopping was _your_ idea. And you owed me for the antique curtains…"

He glowered at her. "True, but I also cooked dinner last night, and you said you owed me for _that_."

Relena smiled coyly. "And I already made up for that last night… twice," she reminded him.

Heero felt a bead of sweat on his forehead, but he refused to back down. "But I was making a sacrifice for you today. You know how much I despise shopping."

"I know, but that doesn't mean that I owe you anything…" She knew she was driving him crazy; she could see the emotion burning behind his eyes.

"But outside, you said you'd make it up to me." He gazed at her steadily. "I take a promise like that seriously, Relena."

"A promise?" She laughed delicately. "But we never shook on it…"

He looked at her dangerously, his dark eyes smoldering. "Oh, we're going to shake on it…"

Relena let out a squeal as he grabbed her by the waist, causing many of the other customers to eye them disdainfully.

"All right," she laughed, "we will. But first I want to try a few things on…"

"Relena…" He warned.

"Please?" She pouted, knowing it was a foolproof way to wear him down. "I promise when we get home…" She whispered in his ear. "And then we'll…" She whispered some more, and Heero actually smiled. It was more like a smirk, but Relena couldn't be too picky when it came to his facial expressions.

"Okay, you win. Just this once."

_Yeah, right,_ Relena thought gleefully.

Heero released her, and she pulled a few items off the rack to take with her. "Don't be long," he murmured. He swatted her rear, and she squealed again.

"Point taken, Heero," she laughed. "I'll be right out!"

"Excuse me," a female voice interrupted the lovers' banter. They turned to see a young woman, slightly taller and thicker than Relena with dark brown hair. "Are you trying that on?" She pointed to a cream-colored sleeveless blouse Relena was holding.

"Yes… Yes, I am," Relena answered, clutching her items more tightly. Was this woman trying to take the top away from her? She felt her defenses go up.

"Okay," the woman said, disappointed. "Well, let me know if you decide to buy it or not; if you don't, I'm going to buy it."

Relena's eyes widened. This had never happened to her in a store before, and she didn't quite know what to do. _Should I be nice and surrender the top to her?_ She glanced at Heero for help, but he looked just as bewildered as she did. She realized that the woman was making a bizarre request; after all, Relena had seen the blouse first, and it was up to her whether or not she should buy it.

"Yes, I'll do that, thanks." With that, Relena turned and let herself in one of the dressing rooms, which was only concealed by a pink floral curtain. Heero leaned against the wall and waited.

Moments later, Relena emerged wearing a purple halter dress. "What do you think of this, Heero?" She twirled around, awaiting his approval.

He grunted. "You look good in everything. What's the point in trying stuff on?"

She sighed. "Okay, okay. I'll just try that blouse on so we can go."

Heero brightened inwardly, but his steely gaze remained the same. "Good. We have a lot to do when we get home, so we need to get started right away." His composure broke for a split second, and he smiled wickedly at her. Then his expression returned to perfect stone.

"Message received, Heero Yuy. Just let me change and we'll be on our way momentarily… okay?"

He smirked again. He secretly liked when they did military talk. "Roger that, mission."

She gave him a wink and drew the curtain closed. It took all the self-control Heero could muster to not rip the curtain open and sneak in there with her, but he stood his ground. After another minute, Relena peeked out at him.

"Heero… Could you take a look at this?" He was at her side instantly. She opened the curtain and shyly revealed the blouse she'd tried on. "Is this too… transparent?"

Heero's eyes widened. It was the most of her skin he'd seen in hours, so he was easily impressed at this point. The sight of her pink lacy bra underneath the shirt tantalized him. The only problem was that the blouse was a little too big on her, but that was hardly an issue; the looser it was, the easier it would be to remove.

"Hn. I don't know if I could let you leave the house in that… but you look beautiful."

She beamed. "Thank you… but I don't know." She bit her lip. "That other girl really seemed to want it, and I… Well, if I really wanted this, I could always buy it at full price, but maybe she doesn't have that option…" She looked up at Heero sadly. "Maybe you were right about me shopping in thrift stores when I have the means to do otherwise. I could be robbing less affluent customers of the only clothes they can afford!" Her blue eyes widened dramatically. Heero wanted to laugh, but he could see that she was deeply troubled by this. That was his Relena; always more concerned about others than herself. She didn't have a selfish bone in her body, and that made Heero love her even more.

He gathered her into his arms. "You do what your heart tells you, and don't worry about anything else," he murmured into her hair. "I love you no matter what. But let me warn you that, if you do buy this shirt, it probably won't last long around me." He fingered the flimsy material. "You know how I tend to be a little… rough when it comes to clothing removal."

"Heero!" Relena gasped. She swatted him playfully. "All right, then… I won't buy it. I guess I'll get changed..."

"Good." Heero stepped further into the dressing room, pulling the curtain tightly closed. "Now let's get you out this thing." He slipped the blouse over her head, and Relena couldn't help but giggle. She wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a full kiss on the lips. Heero responded hungrily, pushing her against the wall. Relena had to fight herself to keep from moaning out loud as Heero's lips traveled down her neck, en route to her…

The lovers were interrupted by a sharp rap on the wall. "Only one in the dressing room at a time!" The fitting room attendant barked.

"Hmph," Heero grumbled. "And I thought being married would give us more privileges." He reluctantly disentangled himself from Relena.

She giggled and gave him a little push. "Out, you. I'll be done in a minute… and I mean it this time."

Heero stepped outside the dressing room, being careful to shut the curtain on his way out so as not to expose his wife to strangers. He found the attendant standing outside with her arms crossed over her chest. She stared him down angrily; he gave her his trademark death glare. She whimpered and shrunk away, scampering to the front of the store.

Thankfully Heero didn't have to wait long for Relena this time. She emerged with the few items she'd taken in and hung them back up. No sooner had she done so than the eager woman from earlier appeared, snatching the cream-colored blouse and practically sprinting to the register.

Heero noted Relena's shocked expression and took her face in his hands. "Are you okay?" He murmured tenderly. "Have your shopping dreams been crushed?"

She glared at him. "Heero, don't make fun…"

"Seriously," he softened his tone. "Do you want to go find another one at a different store?"

Surprise crossed her features. "I thought you'd had it for the day?"

He shrugged. "I could endure a little more, if necessary. I was a Gundam pilot, after all. Besides, you revived me in the dressing room…"

"Heero…" She smiled and slipped her arms around his waist. "I don't need to do anymore shopping. I already have everything I could ever need." She tilted her face up at him. "What do I care if that girl bought the top I liked? _She_ doesn't have her very own Heero Yuy to take home."

"Hn. Good point." Heero offered her a small, seductive smile. "I'm all yours." He pulled her against him for another kiss.

Relena stepped back, laughing delightedly. "Well, let's get home and get started on these curtains… then we can enjoy the rest of our evening." She gave him a teasing smile.

Heero raised an eyebrow. "I like the sound of that. What do you have in mind?"

"Well..." She traced a finger along his lips, and Heero writhed in inner torment. His body felt like it was on fire. "I'm thinking that the blue curtains will look best in our bedroom, while the white valances should go in the living room," she finished with a wink.

Heero groaned. "Relena…"

**END**


End file.
